Poor Itachi
by Lord Melkor
Summary: Itachi hangs out with his genin team for lunch and a quick mission briefing. AU


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

This is an AU story. It's about the interaction between Itachi and his genin team. Well actually only his two teammates are genin. I am writing him as a chuunin looking to be a jounin. They're all 12. At 10.5 he became a chuunin. At 13 he was an ANBU captain. He had to be a jounin and a regular anbu member at some point…

* * *

"Itachi!"

"Itachi!"

"Hey, Itachi!"

"Sensei, Itachi isn't paying attention. He's ignoring us again."

"Just leave him alone."

"Hey guys!"

"Where have you been? You were supposed to be here twenty minutes ago."

"Sorry. I had to go pick up some supplies. Besides, you just got here yourself sensei. "

She pulled out a small take away box out of her bag and placed it onto the counter before her. "So what did I miss?"

"Well we haven't started yet. We were waiting for you."

"Like hell we were. Sensei and I were just discussing how Itachi always stares out into space."

"So nothing new then."

"Do you think he's listening to us?"

"Does he ever listen to us?"

"Come on. Have some fun! Breath."

He slung his arm around Itachi's shoulders and began to shake him. Itachi did nothing to protest. He merely went with the flow.

"Stop harassing you teammates."

"Yeah, it's really annoying."

Meanwhile Itachi was oblivious to his surroundings. Actually, the word 'oblivious' could be debated. It was more like he was choosing to ignore the chatter around him, and he was not ignoring everything. On the contrary, his gaze was intensely focused on one thing: the dango.

It was like this all the time with Itachi. He would pick a spot to focus his eyes on and then let his mind space out. Sometimes he'd change it up and redirect his focus to another spot. But this only would happen if he was in an area or situation for an extended period of time.

No one was really sure why he did it. Many had asked, especially his mother who was always concerned about her boys, but all they got was a shrug of the shoulders in reply. Eventually teachers and classmates would just brush it off as a one of those habits geniuses often picked up. Mikoto, however, remained unconvinced.

Itachi was really hungry. He wanted that dango and he wanted it now. There was no use in beating around the bush today. There was dango in that carton. Usually he'd wait around for a bit, let her do her bribing thing, give in, and then finally eat the sweet confectionary treat after whatever crazy thing she needed him to do. But there was no time for that today.

He lunged for the carton. He was quick, very quick but she already knew that this was coming. So when she quickly slid the carton back into her bag he was hardly surprised. There was only a slim chance that he'd get the carton. Yes he had incredible speed but there were two bodies in between him and his goal. And so the fall off the counter was inevitable. With a decisive thud he hit the ground at his teammates feet. Everyone, including the staff, burst into laughter.

"Jeeze Itachi, for a jounin you sure don't have very much tact."

"You know, you really ought to start cutting down on dango. You're completely addicted to it."

What they all failed to realize was that the real Itachi was not lying pissed off on the ground. He was in fact four blocks away in a side alley between some place that sold handmade pots and some sort of noodle stand eating stand.

* * *

That morning Itachi left the Uchiha compound in a rather foul mood. He had been forced by his mother to eat what she had deemed a 'balanced breakfast.' After finally escaping from her health obsessed clutches he went off in search of a real breakfast, dango. He went to his usual place and spent the rest of his allowance for that week. TGIF because he could only 'borrow' enough money from his older brother to cover dango expenses for two days!

After eating seven sticks of it he still found himself hungry. It was at this point that he remembered _her_. He found her to be an all around vexing person. One of the reasons he found her irritating was because of his older brother Sasuke. She was completely obsessed with him. If she wasn't hanging around the Uchiha compound following Sasuke, she was bugging him about Sasuke. He could hear her now…

"What's Sasuke doing today?"

"Is Sasuke back yet? He always gets assigned tough missions. But I suppose that's reasonable because he is a genius."

"What is Sasuke favorite color?"

"Do you think Sasuke would eat this?"

"Why does Sasuke hate everything?"

"Does Sasuke ever talk about me?"

"What's it like to be Sasuke's younger brother?"

Itachi grabbed his own head and shook it. Now was not the time to let that high pitched screeching of a voice get stuck in his head.

In general he supposed that she was nice. And if he really thought about it she could be considered rather pretty. But he never thought of her in that way. He made it a point to only to consider people in how they can help him way (or rather how they can help him get dango or piss off his brother).

After Itachi finished mentally bulldozing her voice out of his head, she finally walked by where he was sitting. He had sensed her a few blocks ago and it was about time she got there. He didn't take her for a slow walker. She was always the first to get to the meeting places. Speaking of meetings, both of them were supposed to meet sensei five minutes ago at Ichiraku Ramen. Not that it really mattered since he'll probably show up in about fifteen minutes from now. It was midmorning so he would be finished with his morning _activities_. Based on recent ANBU activity reports he heard from Sasuke, sensei was due to meet up with the Fifth for possible mission briefings. A meeting with Sarutobi would definitely keep him for a bit.

He froze.

She was up to her old tricks again. Instead of sitting down and enjoying meals like all the rest of the patrons she had gone straight up to the counter. She really needed to stop making a habit out of this. Did she think he was stupid or something? Every time they had a meeting or a D-rank mission she would stop off and buy dango first.

At first he thought it was a peace offering. Because he had advanced so quickly through the ninja ranks and his classmates had not, he had never really been around them. For most of his ninja career he was tossed from team to team doing basic missions. It wasn't until he was assigned to a three-man-cell with his old classmates when they all finally graduated that he actually had regular teammates to work with.

But her multiple temptations with dango were anything but peace offerings. Sometimes they were bribes to get him to pay attention. Sometimes they were pieces of seduction to get Itachi to dish out on information about Sasuke. And sometimes they were even bait to get him to run 'errands' for her.

Of course Itachi had never fallen for any of her tricks.

His clones did though.

After Sakura received her order she left the restaurant the same way she came in. When she passed Itachi she fell for his trick. Using his superior skills he cast a genjutsu on her. When he was certain that she was under the spell he reached out and took the carton from her hands. He then replaced it with a shadow clone carton by using his superior ninjutsu skills and then released the genjutsu. She never noticed.

She never ever did.

So there Itachi was in the alley eating the dango he stole from her and he could almost laugh. Almost. It was becoming a tradition: she'd buy the dango, he'd swap it, she'd 'trick' him, and he would eat while his clone did work. To this very day she never realized that she was dealing with a shadow clone Itachi with shadow clone dango. And neither did his sensei and his other teammate.

Itachi smiled to himself. Everyone was obsessed with Sasuke. They were all too preoccupied with _his_ talents and _his_ position in the clan to even notice him. Few people were ever concerned with how quickly his ascension through the ninja ranks or his mastery of the sharingan, genjutsu, and ninjutsu. And that was just how he liked it. They were all so oblivious to his many schemes and tricks.

Those were just some of the many services Itachi offered.

Life was good to Uchiha Itachi. Although, he did have an off day here and there. Bad days for Itachi consisted of the real Itachi fighting up to three Itachi clones for dango. He was pretty similar to Naruto in this aspect. More than once has Naruto gotten into a 'bar fight' with a clone over the last bowl of ramen. And more than once has Naruto been distracted with either a ramen shadow clone or a trail of ramen. This was probably why they were on the same team.

Sometimes Itachi felt bad for all their senseis. Sometimes.

* * *

Surprise! How many people saw that coming? This is AU because it is nonmassacre, and Sasuke and Itachi have traded places. I hope you enjoyed it. Reviews are appreciated.

I wrote this after seeing a certain piece of fanart. The link is at the bottom of my profile.


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